When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

                                                                                                  -Paulo Coelho-

I never quite understood the quote above, because there had been many things that I have wanted but never quite got. So, I never quite believed in luck, or that magical things would happen to me. I was a cynic who secretly enjoyed fairy tales and watched feel good shows. I now know that it was me trying to hold on to imaginary happy endings for an hour or two because I deep down believed that I won’t be lucky enough to experience unconditional love.

I was wrong, I found love. Love made me believe that I too deserve this experience. There was a spring in my steps, everything suddenly became beautiful and I felt worthy. Then one day, love decided to leave. Love left me in pieces, broken and insecure.

I struggled, trying to hold on and eventually resigned to believing that I need not get everything I want. Universe is not going to conspire for me. The cynic was back in full force, walls build high enough to ensure nothing gets in anymore. Then one day, as I was penning down my fears in a journal, I realized that my heart was too heavy. The walls were adding pounds that my little heart could not carry. I had to then decide whether to continue carrying the weights of my experience or to take down the walls. I started  to introspect and process my own emotions.

I realized I was right after all, you won’t get everything you want. You won’t get everything you want if you are not willing to risk the deepest parts of yourself. We all want to experience beautiful parts of life, such as love, empathy, kindness and joy. We wake up wanting the universe to show us that it is indeed beautiful and it is worth living. But then we are not willing risk our hearts, display our fears and insecurities in the most honest way possible. We hide behind pride, anger and nonchalance. How is the universe supposed to deliver goodness when our hearts are not truly open?

Now I know that love can’t leave, it merely shifted. Love never goes away with a person, it is not attached to a thing or even a place. It is something that remains inside, it is when we pick up the pieces of ourselves and honour the memories of our experiences. Love is when we learn to understand the other person’s situation and still believe in their goodness. Love is when you choose deliberately to see things with kindness and empathy. Love is not about what we receive, it is about what we give. We reap what we sow after all.

I have learned that when you actively give the world what you truly desire, it finds its way back in the most mysterious ways. It becomes liberating to give without expectations because you know you are living the life that you believe. Strength then is not in the height of our walls, but in our ability to believe that our spirit heals in vulnerability. It is a privilege to be able to touch lives with love and kindness. I am trying to take down the bricks, one by one, a day at a time. You should try it too.


4 thoughts on “Vulnerability

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